July 1986

Gay Peoples Chronicle

page 9

INTERVIEW: JOY SCHULENBERG

By ROB DAROFF

San Francisco-based writer Joy Schulenbrg is a lesbian mother and author of Gay Parenting, called the first comprehensive guide for gay and lesbian parents. Through her book and many guest appearances on radio and television, Schulenberg has reached audiences with the message that gay and lesbian parents can and do raise happy, healthy children.

The following is excerpted from an interview with Schulenberg for the Gay Peoples Chronicle during her appearance at the Seventh Annual Gay Fathers Conference in Chicago.

Are more gays and lesbians choosing to become parents?

Definitely. Interestingly, in the last few years we've seen a lot more men and women working together on the issue. More of us are discoverin that we can be parents together and have our own separate identities without all the political separatism getting in the way.

How does the average gay person feel about our being parents?

I still think it's a closet issue with most gays. They see kids as a mistake in the process of coming out. Now more people are seeing it as a real choice and a joyous opportunity. What are some of the reasons for choosing parenthood?

[Laughs] Why does anyone choose parenthood? There is something creative in us worth sharing. Being gay is a cause for celebration, and a natural extension of our creativity is, for many us, in parenting.

In terms of fathering, I believe that being gay often frees men to love. We can be wonderful parents!

I'm sure many people wonder how the kids themselves handle it. Are they very different from other kids?

They are fantastic! They are the most open-minded, clear-headed bunch of kids I've ever seen. They learn not to take all the dogma from television and school without examining it first.

And, of course, they are

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no more likely to be gay or straight than children raised by heterosexuals.

There must be at least some complications. How, for example do the moms and dads of the lesbian and gay parents typically accept the

situation?

That depends. Sometimes our parents' biggest regret is that they assume gay children will bring them no grandchildren. For them, this can be wonderful.

On the other hand, sometimes parents will try to automatically win custody of their grandchildren when they find out. That was one of the most devastating things I found in my re

search.

What exactly did your search consist of?

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Six years ago I was planning on becoming a co-parent with two gay men. I looked and looked for a "how to" book on the subject, and there was almost nothing. So I decided to write one.

I interviewed and surveyed

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500 gay families in a variety of circumstances--for example, with lover; without lover; custody through divorce; parenthood without heterosexual marriage--we

ran the gamut. How does your own family work, technically ?

I shared an apartment with a gay man who had been a good friend for years. We two and his lover got together one night and we all confessed that we wanted to have a child and could live together.

We alternated responsibilities with cleaning and care of the child.

Now she's five years old and probably thinks kids with just two parents come from a broken family!

[Laughter] Do you have any messages for parents or prospective parents in northeast Ohio?"

Yes. I got a lot of responses from Cleveland when I conducted my surveys, and_my message is kep fighting for your right to love!

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SCLC MEETS

ON AIDS

In a May 31 speech to the Southern Christian Leadership Conference's National Conference on AIDS, Gil Gerard, Executive Director of the National Coalition of Black Lesbians and Gays, called on the Black community to recognize racism and homophobia as key impediments to AIDS prevention and care among Blacks.

The SCLC was the first major national Black organization to organize an AIDS conference.

Gerard charged that, as Blacks, "We somehow remove ourselves from lesbian and gay people and then dare to celebrate the lives and contributions of James Baldwin, Audra Lorde, Langston Hughes, Bayard Rustin, Alain Locke Countee Cullen, Bessie Smith, Porter Grainger, Lorraine Hansberry, Wallace Thurmond, Bruce Nugent, and Sylvester--all people we love and appreciate for their contributions to community life."

Encouraged by his reception at the SCLC Conference, Gerald praised Dr. Joseph Lowery's statement that "God does not discriminate against people because of sexual orientation" as just the words needed from reliqious and civil rights leaders at a time of growing discrimination against gay people. After Dr. Martin Luther King's assassination, Lowery succeeded him as head of SCLC.

The SCLC proposed a larger convocation of Black national organizations, including the National Coalition of Black Lesbians and Gays, to deal with the issue of AIDS in the Black community and eliminate the myth that this is a whole gay male disease.

On July 18 NCBLG will hold a National Conference on AIDS in the Black Community at the Washington Convention Center.

NCBLG, a network of 3000 people, is the only autonomous Black lesbian and gay organization in the United States. It has chapters in San Francisco, New Orleans, Washington, D.C., and Minneapolis.

For information, call (202) 737-5276 or write NCBLG, 930 F Street, N.W. Suite 614, Washington, D.C. 20004.

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